alexandriacardinals

Delving once again into the dust-ladened archives of my early years as a “columnist.”

February 17, 1989

Have you ever wondered whether they sell Plymouths on the planet Mercury?  Have you ever wondered why Tuesday comes before Wednesday?  Have wondered why you don’t have eyes in the back of your head?  Have you ever wondered why you’re wasting your time reading this?  These questions, and Andy Rooney, will not be answered here. Nevertheless, do not despair, because . . .

Did you know if you stand on your head, everything appears to be upside down?  Did you know I was once in a liquor store where the only other customer was Chief Justice Warren Burger?  Did you know that “onomatopoeia” spelled backwards means absolutely nothing?  Did you know I was once in a clothing store where the only other customer was Vernon Jordan?  Did you know I was once on an airplane with Judy Collins and Chuck Berry?  Did you know I was once at a movie starring Meryl Streep?  Now this is starting to look like a gossip column – but then again you can start your own column and drop your own names.

It’s difficult to establish a format for these kinds of endeavors, and I thank those who have offered encouragement.  In reply to their inquiries in this regard, I tender the following responses, in descending order:  1) yes; 2) cute Bimmer; 3) e; 4) I think it’s natural; 5) all of the above; 6) 2 and 3; 7) remove the bay leaf before serving; 8) jams, Jell-o, and ‘jammies; 9) Maria Ouspenskaya, and sometimes Pola Negri; 10) apply equal pressure with both thumbs; 11) 6’0”, blond-eyed and blue-haired, and kind to my mother; and 12) occasionally, when they’re feeling spunky!

Finally, a trek down memory lane to revisit such classics as “Rocky and Bullwinkle,” “Dudley Do-Right,” “George of the Jungle,” “Superchicken,” and ultimately, in this instance, the Shaggy Dog joke.  These can still be effective groundbreakers if your audience is a pod of 8-year olds and the discussion is bathroom habits.  As George Carlin said, “ . . . you remember these, I’m just here to remind you that they’re funny.”  Soooo . . . is it further to Chicago than by bus?  Do you walk to work or carry your lunch?  What’s the difference between an orange?  And for your dining and dancing pleasure, if it rains on Sunday and the ducks fly south, how many shingles are on the dog’s house?

Some time later . . .

When last we left you, Batman was dangling from a precipice, Humpty Dumpty was happily discovering the wonders of Super Glue, Julia Child was struggling mightily with a falling soufflé, and the United States Congress was threatening to vote on a substantive issue.  It naturally follows, therefore, that I am here today to discuss fashion.

Admittedly, there have been occasions (feeding frenzies come to mind) when my tie has acted to prevent unsightly soilage of my shirt.  This, ostensibly, has been the historic reason for wearing them – ties, that is (shirts are worn because the Brooks Brothers needed a vocation to fall back on after they failed miserably in the fast food for parakeets industry).  But in this day and age, does it make sense to protect a $30 wash-and-wear shirt with a $30 silk, dry clean only, tie?  Of course not!  So why does it happen?  One word – super models (OK, that’s two words).  But obviously, it’s the laws of physics – specifically, inertia (do you think the H&R Blocks of the world are ever going to be put out of business by tax code simplification?).  [I’m sorry, you may have to look up “inertia” because science has fallen into disfavor since this was first written.]  “Suit and tie,” as inseparable as “sex and violence” and “Sacco and Vanzetti,” is a major league industry – Alexander Julian almost singlehandedly made Charlotte, North Carolina, a cosmopolitan city.  So all you Trekkie (is that right?) fans out there who thought, just like me, fashion would trend toward the comfy leotard look of Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock as we approached the 21^st century – forget it!  Kirk and Spock don’t stand a chance.  Christian Dior and Ralph Lauren have their phasers set on drain and aimed at your wallet in the realization there is big money to be made in multi-piece suits with accessories, a/k/a TIES.  Therefore, unless OSHA decides (and don’t hold your breath) that ties are a work place hazard (one could be strangled if it got caught and spun in a Rolodex), the silly things are here to stay for a while.

Continuing with inanity, are high heels even sillier than ties?  Everybody on three – 1, 2, 3 – YES.  As silly as ties are, they do not create physical abnormalities, dysfunctions, and/or the need for orthopedic surgery (the previously discussed Roldex situation notwithstanding).  Notwithstanding – now there’s an interesting word – how many others can you think of that are three individual words linked together?  But I digress . . .  While ties were probably designed (invented?) by some nondescript (almost three words) fellow named Tom, we all know, if not willing to acknowledge, that high heels were designed by the Marquis de Sade.  I guess what most boggles my mind (well, that would most everything) is that someone actually thought it would be a wonderful idea if women walked around in some shoe-like device with their heels way up in the air and theirs toes all squished way down into a little pointy toe.  Sometimes it hurts just to watch.  Now far be it from me to contest the fashion aspects of all this – it worked, didn’t it?  Women wear high heels and they wouldn’t if it wasn’t fashionable.  I think it has something to do with the way high heels set off the calf – but now I’m venturing into a dangerous analytical area (although I was once advised such by a high heel wearing close personal acquaintance).  Nevertheless (three words!), women are fighting back – wearing their jogging shoes for any walking distances in excess of two steps.  Bravo!  Now if only men had the courage of your new convictions when it comes to ties!

Up next:  Can’t any worse than what’s above?

Lots to do, but time for something different.  We stumbled through the archives and discovered a couple news items originally published by the Echo Press.  The essay on the walk is published as submitted, and not as edited by the newspaper.  😉

Walking Alexandria

[Published June 10, 2005]  Inspired by the woman who is walking Minneapolis, Bob Annen and I walked all the streets within the Alexandria city limits.  OK, it’s not quite the same order of magnitude (by about twelvefold) – Alex has 94 miles of streets.  We began our quest on April 13 and finished on Cinco de Mayo, walking for an hour and a half to three hours daily (5 to 10 miles per day).  We walked 19 days, every now and then taking a day off for good behavior.  We estimated we actually walked over 130 miles because, by necessity, we often had to cover the same street more than once to get to the next unwalked street, for return trips on dead ends, or to get back to our daily starting point.  Our last day only took 45 minutes ending at Noonan Park, which we thought appropriate.  [We were cheered on by The Biddies.]

Bob’s wife Vivian called me the DI (Drill Instructor) for what Bob called our Bataan death marches.  Particularly onerous day walks included Broadway from Big Ole to the interstate and back on Highway 29 (with side streets); the southwest industrial park area (36^th, Nevada, and Highway 27); the trifecta of County Roads 22 and 44 and Agnes Blvd. (but included the delightful Van Dyke Road); and Highway 27 to Geneva Beach and back through Victoria and Runestone Heights (Bob’s least favorite because of the hills).  We were surprised to discover there are still a number of dirt roads within the city limits.  Not surprisingly, the Highways 27 and 29 were the least fun to walk – as were McKay Avenue and Geneva Road, both because of traffic speed and lack of walking shoulders.  We were also amazed at the number of ducks and rabbits in yards on the city grid.

We “trained” for our adventure by mall walking an hour a day over the winter.  And on a few occasions after our morning walk, we would also walk 18 holes of golf later in the day – which, of course, begs the question, “Why do these chaps still appear to be on the husky side?”  We are convinced that exercise has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss – that we have been lied to all of these years.  We know there are actually only two ways to lose weight: by starvation or amputation.   [Who knew this was merely a prelude to the Fat Boys Walking Club?]

Ode To Bread

Alexandria Echo Press – 11/07/2007

Echo editor’s note: The following piece was submitted as a commentary but because of the subject matter we thought it would be a good fit to run in the Country section.

Glorious bread . . . the staff of life. This fundamental of human existence was brought to mind again in the recent Jeffersonian article [printed in the October 24 Echo Press] about our high school’s German exchange students who lamented they couldn’t find good German bread – hard bread – in our community. I just want to tell those students – you are not alone!

What follows is not for the faint of heart. Children should probably leave the room. And always remember – this is just one person’s opinion and you are always free to disagree. But the number one premise of human gastronomical endeavors should be – good bread is a dangerous weapon if used as a projectile.

A good bread should have crust like tree bark. A good bread should thump like a ripe melon – it should sound hard and hollow. A good bread should be able to stand up to a chain saw without losing its shape. A good bread crust should threaten your dental work like peanut brittle – in both cases, the risk is worth it. If you slice good bread, it will not schmooosh into a lifeless piece of lefse.

There is an expression that goes back to biblical days called “breaking bread.” Although the expression generally means dining with friends, it reflects the idea that bread was made to be broken – that the breaking of bread should send crumbs flying in a mad dash for freedom. After breaking bread there should be a need for vacuuming – both of yourself and of your surrounding 10-foot radius. And then you should have to empty the bag. You can tell a good restaurant if its staff carries crumb tools – indicating they have a need to clean tables of residue from previous diners breaking bread. Unfortunately, you can’t break much of today’s bread – you can tear it, peel it, fold it, use it to plug leaks in your boat – but you can’t “break” it.

Before it was Weston Station, it was Sonny’s; before it was Sonny’s, it was Carl’s Fireside Steakhouse. Carl’s used to feature a poppy seed hard roll – when you broke one, crumbs would fly like snow inside a Christmas snow globe when you shook it. They were also the best dinner rolls I have ever had in my life. I haven’t found them anywhere since – but I still have delicious dreams about those rolls to this day.

I like good bread more than I like a good steak. I like good bread more than I like a hot fudge sundae (OK, that one’s close). I like good bread more than I like an afternoon nap (OK, that one’s really close). There is no better smell in the world than bread baking, or toasting. A good sandwich begins with good bread – if the bread cannot stand up to the sandwich contents, you will not have a pleasant dining experience. How many times have you been eating a sandwich, or hamburger, only to have the whole thing fall apart in a soggy mess before you can finish?

Most Alexandrians prefer soft bread – local food merchants would not stock it to the exclusion of just about everything else if that was not the case. All we ask – as a friendly gesture to our German students – is to throw us a hard loaf (though not too hard, please) occasionally.

Up next:  Possibly even more fun?

[Please pardon the posting delay.  Stuff happens.]

. . . They still keep score in this game by who puts the ball through the hoop with strings hanging from it the most.  Anyway, it was the first round game of the 2014 Boys’ State Basketball Tournament, class AAA, last Wednesday, March 12, in Williams Arena.  Our Cards were taking on the Austin Packers, last year’s state runner up and this year’s No. 2 seed with a 26 – 3 record.  The Cards came in with a 15 – 11 record (with an inexplicable 8 losses in 9 games mid-season), but we finished on a nice 11 – 3 run including, what was termed by those who were there, a perfect game against Fergus Falls in the section finals.

A quick synopsis of the game.  Cardinal fans were of one-mind at the end of the game that we could beat them if we played them again.  Unfortunately, the tension of the event undoubtedly affected our ability to shoot the ball, particularly in the first half where I’m not sure we even shot 25 per cent from the field.  Still, we were within 8 points at the half.  In every other aspect of the game, I thought we controlled the action.  We played great defense throughout and though the teams were of equivalent size we dominated the boards.  I can see why, as someone at the start of the season passed on, Coach Forrest Witt thought this would be his best and most fun team.  We had good depth and athleticism through 8 players, probably more if I think about it.  And I saw the JV once this year, and more good athletes are on the way.  [Our guest photo subjects apparently prefer to remain anonymous?  🙂  ]

When we looked back in hindsight (which even as a redundancy is not necessarily 20/20 because I have a cataract), there were multiple extenuating circumstances that must have contributed to our defeat.  First, we drove to and back from The Cities in good weather and dry roads.  That’s the first time that’s happened for us since the Cambrian Era!  It must have upset the normal Zeitgeist that surrounds Alexandria?  Second, we left the tournament program in our hotel room.  I usually like to lead off state tournament blogs with the program cover and the Cardinal page.  Apologies.  The aging mind continues to fade.  Third, we ate at an Irish restaurant (Keegan’s, and for those of you who keep track of such things (and you know who you are) I did indeed have the shepherd’s pie washed down with a half-an-half (or black and tan, depending on one’s personal preference)), and then visited the Museum of Russian Art the following day.  We subsequently learned one should never appreciate those venues in that order because it is the superstition equivalent of walking under a ladder or having a black cat cross your path.  Who knew?  Fourth, we had our following morning repast at Al’s Breakfast in Dinkytown where we sat next to a gentleman who is employed by Texas A & M university.  Arrggghhhh, the bad luck of the Aggies must have rubbed off on us and had a deleterious effect on an event that happened the previous day.   Fifth, the Wifi at our hotel didn’t work.  The supervisor filed several complaints about that!  Sixth, my ‘black cloud.”  If the Cardinals had won, we would have stayed down there through Saturday and then we could have gone to the Gopher women’s hockey game and seen Kelly Terry (a personal favorite) get a hat trick in the NCAA tournament win against Boston U.  Well, there’s probably more, but you probably would prefer to move on to the game?  [Which reminds me:  And seventh, I had my camera on the wrong ISO setting for the game (i.e., not “sports speed”), so most action shots blurred.  😦  So, I hope you don’t mind a lot of free throw shots?]

[The supervisor approaches venerable Williams Arena.  Another word for venerable is old.  Looks like a big chunk of paint has fallen off the facing.  😦   ]

[In the absence of tournament program info, I had to resurrect this roster for you. ]

[Two well-known Cardinal fans were sighted at the game . . . ]

[Upon closer inspection, it’s the coaches of the girls’ basketball team!  They’re smiling because next year our undefeated 9th-grade team will be playing varsity, along with their two freshmen daughters who are already on the varsity.  The next three years could be fun!]

[Williams Arena, a/k/a “Bill’s Gym.”  In my day (days of yore) my seats for Gopher basketball games were directly over head, mid-court on the balcony railing.]

[Students with noise makers.]

[The assembled masses.  Alex brought three bus loads of students.  Austin, across the court, filled their whole lower level.]

[Awaiting introductions . . .]

[Joe Gorghuber (21), 6’3″ junior, had an older brother who was a good player a few years back.  As our major inside presence (yes, at 6’3″), I don’t recall Joe ever coming out of the game?]

[David Kivanek (33), 6’2″ senior, had a rough start but finished strong.]

[Chase Kohler (43), 6’4″ senior.  Yup, Wendy’s son and Kendall’s brother.  Good long range shooter.]

[Brandon Bistodeau (5), 6’2″ senior, the pacesetter.  Better known to me as Kalley’s (volleyball) brother – ha!  Their dad is a rapid, great fan and the first guy we saw when we entered the arena.  He was there for the earlier games and said De La Salle (the eventual champion, again) looked like a college team.]

[John Vogeler (15), 6’2″ senior, the quarterback (well, in football) and the long bomber.  With the strength and size of a football player, had a terrific game on defense and on the boards.]

Here’s a video of the start of the game.  Unfortunately, it’s not flattering for the Cards.  Too many turnovers, not enough shots.  You can hear me at the end expressing my displeasure (what, moi?) at their inability to get shots off.  They were too unselfish and were passing up good shots trying to get better ones, without success:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6xTsRbT9PQ

[Kris Setterstrom (3), 6′ junior, provides good point guard relief.]

[Austin played a 1-2-2 3/4-court press all game.  For the most part it didn’t bother us – it bothered the supervisor who thought it made us take too much time to set up a half court offense.]

[Once we got in the front court, we generally ran a nice offense except for the inability to make the shots (but I guess that’s the name of the game).  We missed a lot of bunnies (too tight?) and missed open 3’s we usually hit.]

[It’s airborne! ]

[And it disappears into the rafters of Williams Arena.]

[Cards setting their D . . . ]

[Bistodeau’s on point . . . ]

[Vogeler covers at mid-court . . . ]

[The Competition is hard at work.]

[Student fan attire was Hawaiian.]

[Good evening, Mr. Ripley.]

[Changing film?]

[OK, and some early St. Paddy’s Day celebrants.]

[We’re in the 2nd half now, down by 8 at the time . . . ]

[The Packers came out firing and scored the first 8 points of the 2nd half, building a 16-point lead (where my Minnesota arithmetic comes in handy).  The Packer fans were chanting, “It’s Too Easy!”  Then something happened . . . ]

[The Cards started playing the beautiful game.  Before the 2nd half had hit the 8-minute mark, we had reduced the 16-point deficit to . . . ONE.  The once boisterous Packer fans were now quite quiet.  With a run of defense, rebounding, fastbreaking, passing, and, finally, shooting, the Cards were amazing to watch during that run.  I think we had two chances to take the lead . . . which would have blown the roof off of our side of the arena.]

[But coming from that far back is enervating, and the Cards were unable to keep up the catch-up pace.]

[Vogeler . . . ]

[And again.]

[Gorghuber.  As a team we were 17 – 17 from the stripe against Fergus.  We didn’t miss in the first half of this game.  But we missed some key ones down the stretch in this game – a sure sign that we were a bit worn out.]

[Joe, again . . . .]

[To their credit, the Packers made all their free throws down the stretch to make the 11-point final difference in what was really a 3 or 4-point game.]

[Krivanek]

[Bottoms it.]

[The press was good, but if they got it in we had to foul.]

[Bistodeau . . .]

[And again.]

[Setterstrom, the last shot of the ball and the camera for the game.  A terrific season for the team, likely exceeding most expectations.  Sometimes you have addition by subtraction – mostly the same players as last year, minus a now 6’8″ Division 1 6′ 8″, Logan Doyle.  Go figure?  But, again, congrats to the team.  We were made to look even better as Austin won their semi-final game by 30, before once again losing to De La Salle for the championship.  Wait till next year?]

[p.s.  I have no idea how good a player Jennifer Lawrence is?  I heard she can’t go to her left?  But archery is likely her sport.  And she can always fall back on acting.  BTW, the Gopher mens’ and womens’ teams once again missed out on the NCAA tourney.  And I noticed once again that all the best in-state players are going to Fargo(?), Ames(?), Iowa City(?), Omaha(?), Milwaukee(?), and Madison(?).  Can anybody please ‘splain this to me?  I mean really . . . Iowa City over the Twin Cities?  Something doesn’t compute?]

[Harken back with me, if you will (I’ve had to do a lot of harkening lately), to those glorious days of yesteryear.  Specifically, all the way back to January 5, 2014, where every day in San Marcos, California, was 75 degrees and sunny.  But first . . .]

A BIG CONGRATS to our Cardinal basketball teams.  I believe the boys were a pleasant surprise for everyone as they made a strong run at season’s end and now will play in the state tournament – facing Austin in the first round on Wednesday, 2:00, in Williams Arena.  This media source will provide full coverage at some time after the event’s conclusion.   The girls’ season ended Saturday in the section semi-finals against Fergus Falls.  The Otters have been ranked No. 1 in the state all year, so we have to tip our hats to them.  But this is their 3rd year in a row at this level leaving some to ponder – don’t their players ever graduate?  Anyway, already looking forward to the Card season next year as we should once again be pretty much well above average!  The 9th-grade girls’ team finished the season 25-0, running the table in the conference tournament.  😉

[We began the day, as usual, checking out our feathered friends as they cruised about on Lake San Marcos.]

[As I recall, this was pretty much going to be a “let’s see what’s in the neighborhood” kind of day.  After bidding the water fowl a good morning, the next thing we did was set out in search of the San Marcos post office.  This, unfortunately, proved to be an activity beyond the capability of our GPS thingee, which on several occasion advised us we were at our destination though by our personal visual acuity we obviously were not.  Finally resorting to the old stop and ask method, we succeeded in finding the hiding in plain sight government facility.  And from there, we were able to determine the course of our day.  As we were driving around we couldn’t help but notice the “hills” that loomed over the city.  I’m outstanding at noticing such things.  From the post office parking lot, I muttered something to the effect that if we just drove straight south on this post office road we would be heading up into the hills where there were probably some pretty darn nifty overlooks.  So, we did.  And this is the first one – The Biddies approached the marker to find out what it was all about.  (Our guest columnists for the day are The Biddies, who show that three years ago, almost to the day, they can enjoy the sunshine regardless of their GPS position.)]

[And this is what is said.]

[San Marcos lay before us (well, beneath us actually).]

[Our range of vision wasn’t very wide as I panned slightly to the right.]

[Zooming in a tad, that’s the University of California, San Marcos campus, which we passed on the way up.]

[A state-of-the-art garbage can, and great restrooms off  the photo to the left.  This place had a gravel parking lot as it was designed for horse trailers.  If one were so inclined, there were horse trails that started from here.]

[But we knew there was a higher place, on the top of the peak – we could see it from to city.  So, we kept going on until we found . . . Double Peak Park.  Well, it immediately became a place we had to go to – and we did a few more times while we were there.]

[This was looking east.  You can see where they’ve platted out more housing lots just below us.]

[Looing south.  San Diego’s down that way about 30 miles.]

[From the parking lot looking up at ‘a’ peak.]

[The Biddies are so excited!  They could see the ocean from here (looking west).]

[Looking NW, that body of water in the left center is Lake San Marcos.  Our place was on this side of the lake.]

[From a longer view, the ocean in the background.]

[Looking north toward the city of San Marcos.]

[The top of the mountain.  The park even had a residence for the caretaker.]

[The tree at the top of the mountain.]

[The university campus.]

[San Marcos, a city about the size of St. Cloud and growing rapidly.]

[Our lake, again.  OK, it’s not beautiful Lake Darling, but it was a nice respite.]

[The white building in mid-photo on the ocean is a desalinization plant.]

[Nice place for a picnic.]

[Rita marches on in search of further adventure.]

[Hey, there’s the restrooms!   Always an important discovery.]

[The amphitheater.]

[The usher said I was in the wrong seat?]

[Working our way back around to the parking lot, The Biddies discuss things beyond my comprehension.]

[Ah, a mountain top volleyball team.]

[What’s over here?]

[A warning!]

[Yikes, probably dangerous critters down there.]

[Let’s go back this way.]

[We kept going around the “mountain top” just to see where it came out.  And this was it.]

[The supervisor had just read about a hot new restaurant in town called “Stoked.”  And here it was as we stumbled right into in what was obviously a brand new addition to San Marcos, named San Elijo Hills.  Totally yuppie; thus, totally me.]

[Before dining, we had to check out the ‘central park” across the street from the restaurant.]

[And there’s the overhead arch for San Elijo Hills park.]

[Mr. and Mrs. Excitement! ]

[The Biddies!  There’s “Stoked” across the street on the right where we would be going for eats.]

[Ain’t we got fun?]

[And a couple from the supervisor’s tablet.]

[Getting stoked at “Stoked,” sitting outdoors in the back yard!  🙂  ]

[Mmmmmm!!]

[Oh, monsieur sommelier, more champagne please?]

[Part of the spread where we grazed to our stomachs’ content.]

[My Bloody Mary needs a refill!]

[Now this is how to send the kids’ inheritances!!]

[A couple more from the supervisor’s tablet.]

[Voted most likely to need another colonoscopy within three years.]

[Where we were.]

[Back “home” for sun time.]

Up next:  Don’t know if I can pump out another “California” before we go to the boys’ state basketball tournament?